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Something beautiful or something free?

2/3/10 06:36 pm

I really need a new job. My job makes me feel totally worthless.  It was nice to have as an option right after graduation, but I'll let this be a lesson never to take a job out of convenience again.  I'm tired of applying for jobs and not hearing anything back.  I need to go back to school so I can make myself more interesting to employers, and so I can remember what it's like to feel intelligent.

Work did produce a fun evening last Thursday, though.  A bunch of people went to the Cactus Club to celebrate two birthdays and one departure (that of a girl who hated her job so much that she left without another set up, planning on temping. Eww, temping.).  While I often do feel like an outcast among the similarly-aged people I see regularly at work, it's nights like this that give me the opportunity to meet new people, and to talk to those I know but don't see during the day.  It was a great time, and I would have liked to stay later if only it hadn't been a weeknight.  I feel a bit bad that I dragged Rich there, because he was clearly bored, and I tend to have trouble paying balanced attention to multiple people at once in situations like that, so I'm sure I didn't pay enough to him.  I also really need to stop being a person who talks more when she's drunk and go back to being one who doesn't talk at all, because I always end up being embarrassed afterward.

Saturday night, despite the absofuckinglutely freezing temperature, Rich and I went out to Precinct in Somerville to see Mary play.  It was good to see her, to hear a song of hers I really love, and to see another person I hadn't seen in a long time.  And again, to meet someone new.  

Anna and I resumed our Spanish meet-up on Sunday after not having one since November. We've decided to keep it to just the two of us now, because scheduling for a group of five people was way too complicated.  I'm so out of practice and bad at Spanish; I really want to get better again.

I just found out that a girl I've known since middle school and her husband will be visiting the area in a couple of months.  That could be fun.  We were friends in sixth grade but hadn't really talked since, until the magic of Facebook made it apparent to me that we have a lot in common now and made me wish we didn't live so far apart.  They'll be staying in Plymouth but will almost certainly get into the city, too. woot!

1/19/10 05:40 am

These last two weekends, I have actually felt like so much more of a real person than I often do.  I have had people to see and things to do, and even though there are definitely nights when I just want to stay in and do nothing, I've really enjoyed it.

Last weekend, Sarah was here. We went out for lunch on Saturday, and then that night, we went to the Squealing Pig with a group that included some people I'd never met and a few I hadn't seen in a long time.  I'm surprised that I'd never been there in four-plus years at NU, but I really liked it and we had a lot of fun.  It was absolutely freezing that night; I'm actually glad we stayed out long enough to miss the T and needed to take a cab, because I could not imagine waiting for the T in that cold.

Last Sunday night I went to Tasca with Anna and her friend Lindsay, and thanks to my Groupon and Tasca's $5 pitchers of sangria on Sundays, we only spent about $10 each.  It was completely awesome. 

This past week was my second week of overtime in a row, and even though it was only an hour or an hour and a half a day, it made the week feel so much longer.  I considered going to the NU chorus's first rehearsal on Wednesday, but after ten hours of work, I just couldn't imagine spending another two and a half hours there.  I miss singing,  but I can't even think about giving up that much of my free time.

Friday night, I hung out with Jessi and we watched Half Nelson.  It was definitely an unusual movie, but I really liked it, and I see why Ryan Gosling got so much attention for it.  Saturday, Rich and I went to Cornwall's and then went to see Up in the Air, which was a little cheesy but still a really good movie.  Sunday night I went to Tasca (yeah, again, just because it's easy and yummy) with Jess, which was lovely except for the part when I had to walk home in the rain. Monday was a rainy/snowy day, and I didn't end up doing much all day.  I cooked dinner for Rich as a surprise because I felt so bad that he had to work Sunday and Monday, and I figured he could use some cheering up.  I went over pretty well. :-)

I really wish the weekend wasn't over. I pretty much hate the thought that I have to go to work today.

/boring post

1/14/10 07:18 pm - WANT

1/2/10 08:23 pm - I want this.

Not that I have anyplace to wear it, nor will I look nearly as good in it as the skinny model, but OMG I wish I did and would. I feel like prom dresses this gorgeous did not exist five years ago.

1/1/10 09:25 am - Also...

At the beginning of 2009, I made a list of goals for the year, and I actually think I've managed to accomplish most of them, at least partially.  Notes on that:

-- To get up as early on weekends as I used to; I did it this weekend and realized how much I missed it.
I have started getting up earlier, although the fact that my gym doesn't open until 8 sometimes delays the whole day.

-- To go home at some point this year and start the massive clean-out that still awaits me.
It was a small start, but I did start it and plan to do more this year.

-- And while I’m there, to see my PA friends, because I miss you guys so damn much!!
I only did this once; I would like to see them more often, because they are definitely some of the people who matter the most to me.

-- To see my grandparents at least once this year.
Only once, but I did. And I already know when the next time is going to be.

-- To talk to my brothers more often.
Didn't really do this, but I did get to spend more time with them this year than I have in a few years.

-- To make an effort to see some people more often, but not to go out of my way anymore to maintain contact with people who don't make an equal effort.
Yes, I think I have done this.

-- To go to SF, and possibly at least one other city, preferably one I’ve never been to.
Went to SF and had an amazing time; the other city will come in 2010...Chicago, Seattle, Toronto...who knows?

-- To keep my room neater.
This has been easier now that I have about four times as much storage space.

-- To play piano more often. 
Negative. But that's probably because I only want to do it when I'm alone, and I'm almost never alone in this apartment.

-- To take a class at Brookline Community Ed.
Didn't do that, but did attempt to start a Spanish reading group with Anna.  Scheduling was an issue, although I'm hoping we can make a renewed attempt at it this year.

-- Not to be too ridiculously picky during the upcoming apartment search.
I wasn't. I put whatever worries I had about this place aside and we just went for it, and it was only the third one we saw.

-- Not to bite my mother’s head off every time she calls me.
As long as she doesn't broach subjects I don't want to talk about, I'm fine.

-- To find a dentist (and, yeah, I guess a doctor...ugh) locally.
Did both, and neither sucked all that much.

-- To be a little smarter about money.
I definitely have been. My savings account is nearing a level it hasn't been at since I paid the deposit on the Chester St. apartment in March 2008.

-- To be more decisive.
No, not really.

-- To think about what I’m going to say before I say it.
Yes, but in some cases, definitely not.

-- To achieve at least a month of consecutive “good” days, in one specific sense of the word...and who knows, maybe to finally reach the point at which they will all be that way.
Woooo six months!

-- To try to connect with more people who really understand the above statement, because having one in my life this year has made it so much better.
Tried, but can't seem to find any right now.

-- To get my body back into a condition that makes me happy and confident rather than embarrassed and depressed.
It's definitely not there yet, but I'm trying very hard and feeling okay about that.

-- And until that happens, to accept and respect it as it is, to the best of my ability.
Definitely.

-- To continue being as honest about everything as I have been recently.
I think so.

-- To stop talking about the changes I need to make in life and start actually making them.
Definitely.

-- To put an honest effort into being ready for things that are going to happen this year, before they actually happen.
I have, and I was, although one of things I expected to happen hasn't yet.

-- Fingernails. I have some right now. I’d like to keep them this year.
 Yup, still have them. I bit a couple off a few weeks ago while attempting to write cover letters, but they're coming back.


For the start of this year, I only have one goal. I have got to find a way or ways to meet new people and to try to find more real friends in Boston.  I am so tired of feeling like I'm not the right kind of friend for anyone, and like I'm a person whom people only want when they need something from her.  I know there have to be people somewhere in this city who are right for me, and I would really like to find some.  Because I feel so totally alone here most of the time, and I am so, so tired of it.

Last weekend I got to spend time, for the first time in a year, with the people who make me feel like I belong most of the time.  It was great, but they are 300 miles away, and the fact that they are there is certainly not enough to make me want to move back, at least I don't think it is.  But in the five years that I've lived here, I have accumulated maybe seven people who really mattered, and to whom I thought I mattered, too. Two of them have moved away, and one has become one of those people who's not worth the effort anymore, because it's always my effort and never hers. Two others feel like they're approaching that, too.  It's a long way off from high school, when I had about ten people that I felt I could count on at all times.

Part of this, I know, is about getting away from my job, where I constantly feel like I'm surrounded by people close in age to me who are friends but don't want to be friends with me.  And yes, I know that I'm awkward. I know I'm probably not the easiest person in the world to be friends with.  But it's certainly not for a lack of trying. I have spent the past year or two fighting very hard for normalcy and some degree of social ability, and now that I feel like I finally have it, I have nowhere to use it.

So that's what 2010 is going to be for me: the year of finding people who will accept me. And if I can't, then maybe making the decision to move somewhere else and start over.

12/31/09 08:18 am

 

( End-of-year survey )

 

 

12/28/09 10:43 pm - Very long, mostly happy Christmas post

Christmas is over, which makes me sad, but at least it was a good one. Mom says this is the last year they're going to do the big family thing because it's just too much work and our house is really not big enough to have 30 people in it for several hours. I'll miss doing it this way, but at least we had a good 15-year run of it. I feel like I should break this into parts, because we did so much in three days in PA, but I'll try to be as concise as possible.

Rich and I did gifts on Christmas Eve, because we knew we'd be getting up pretty early the next day and didn't want to get up even earlier just to do that. Everything that I got him went over really well, especially the M&M's. I have so much fun buying things for people. He got me the full series DVDs of Felicity and the first two seasons (the only ones that were ever released) of Everwood, a hamper from BB&B that I needed but didn't want to buy myself (because who spends that much money on a hamper?), a book on the history of sushi, and a way-too-much-money Gap gift card (that I'll use to buy clothes for work when I get a job at Pearson...hopefully).

We got up at 6:30 on Christmas morning to get ready for Rob and Christine to pick us up at 8:30. (Very happy they offered the ride; taking the T to the general vicinity of his parents' house would probably take about 90 minutes from here.) In Hyde Park we ate breakfast and watched Emily run around and laugh. At one point, she walked right up to me and hugged my legs, which was just about the cutest thing ever, since she doesn't really know who I am. When we did presents, she opened a really soft stuffed dog early on and immediately held it up to her face. Then she walked around and handed it to almost everyone, like, "Look!" She's so adorable.

We had called a cab to pick us up there at 12:30, and it showed up right on time. It was a flat rate of $40 to get to the airport, which was less than I would have expected. We got through security quickly, but our flight ended up being delayed about two hours. It was frustrating, but at least still got there at a reasonable time. I think I realized more than ever on this trip how much I hate flying. It's routine to me now, and I do it without really thinking about it until I'm actually on the plane, but I still hate it. I just about had a heart attack while we were sitting in a holding pattern over PHL for half an hour. I read almost an entire book that day, in the airport and on the plane.

Jeff picked us up at the airport in my dad's new truck, which is pretty nice (but I'm still shocked that it's an automatic). He offered the guest room to us because it has a bigger bed, and said he would sleep in my room. We really appreciated that. As soon as we walked into the house, I started making my rounds, attempting to hug everyone. I was really glad to be there. Christmas Day was my second cousin Aiden's second birthday, and it hit me that I had never actually seen him in person before then, only in pictures. I hate that. Grammy and Gramps were there for the first time in about five years, too, which was really special. We did a giant Yankee Swap sort of thing, in which Rich ended up with these cute snowman placemats that now adorn two tables in our apartment. At one point, my dad asked what I wanted to drink ("wine? beer?") and I said, "You don't have any vodka, do you?" He said they did, asked what I wanted, and then made me drink that was surprisingly strong. It was pretty funny.

People started drifting out around 8, and Jon and Kerri finally arrived around 9. An hour or so later, Mom drove Jeff, Jon, Kerri, Rich and me to a local bar that's owned by Jon's best friend's family, whose kids we've grown up with. The rest of the year it's a dive where a handful of old men watch sports, but Christmas night has become a big deal. It was also the first time Jon saw any of his friends since he moved to CA in May. The music was absurdly loud and the whole place was smoky, but I somehow still enjoyed it a ridiculous amount. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in years, and for the first time pretty much ever, I felt that I was seen as an adult by all of Jon's friends instead of just as their "little sister." Getting free drinks was nice, too; I'm pretty sure that's the only place that will ever happen to me. A few vodka-and-Diets and a shot of whiskey later, the place closed and Mom picked us up. We went to bed at three and slept until almost 11, and everyone felt awful, but that was to be expected, I suppose.

Grammy and Gramps came over for lunch on Saturday and then left for home after two weeks in Delco. Grammy's surgery was relatively successful, but she's not sure she's going to get back normal vision in her right eye. At three p.m. we went to Troy and Tracy's baby shower, which was slightly fun but mostly boring. Playing with Samantha's adorable little dog was the highlight of that afternoon. Tracy was also surprisingly all about having people touch her belly and feel the baby kicking, which was pretty cool. Baby TJ should arrive in mid to late February.

That night we went to see Jealousy Curve with Jeff. Rich and I ended up missing part of their set because we'd just ordered food upstairs when we realized they were on. They played well, but it was an oddly low-energy show and we barely stayed an hour. Steve said they'll be playing in Boston in February, so of course I'll go and support them.

Sunday morning we finally had some time to relax and do nothing. I thought about going to a museum in the city but ended up spending three hours in my room, starting to clean things out. I filled a trash bag for Goodwill and one with stuff to just throw out. I mostly emptied my smaller dresser and nightstand, and I found all of my Christmas earrings. It's a start. Dad came home with Philly pretzels that were the best thing I've tasted in a long time. That afternoon, I got behind the wheel of a car for the first time in nearly 11 months, and we went to Target. It's a quick drive, and getting there was a little shaky, but coming back was fine. I miss driving. The new Target (less than half a mile from another Target -- wtf?) is attached to a mall, so I made a quick stop at NY&Co, where I ran into a friend and a neighbor of my parents. I love still having a place to go home to where I constantly run into people I've known for years.

Jeff's friend Mandy, her boyfriend and adorable three-year-old son (not the child of the boyfriend, but of her ex-husband, Jeff's awesome friend Chris) came over for the Eagles game. I love that about my parents' house, especially this time of year: the door is always open. Mom's friend Terri came over, too, and we had cosmos. Mom gave Terri this necklace and earrings as part of her Christmas gift, that they both immediately told me to put on and leave on because it looked good (I don't really wear big jewelry, and both the earrings and necklace were big, but okay). I wore them out that night, and when I came home Mom told me to keep them.

We went to Kate and Rob's apartment that night, along with Dave and Sharon, Matt, Drew, and Chrissy. There have been times that I've gone home and not felt connected to the group in the same way anymore, but this wasn't one of those times; it was really great. Eric couldn't come but sent me an apologetic text this morning in response to my "we missed you!". TJ didn't show up, either, so we called him and yelled at his voicemail. Kate and Rob are getting married in August (finally) and I am so excited to go to my first "best friend's wedding." I need to get there more often. I miss them.

We got home a little after midnight, and minutes later, Jon's friend Ray showed up, totally wasted, and we all laughed with him for a while. I gave him one of my snickerdoodle cookies, which he always loved, and he raved about it (actually, everyone said they were the best I'd ever made, when I didn't really do anything differently). We got about four hours of sleep and left for the airport just before six a.m. The security line was very long but moved quickly, and there were only about 20 people on our plane. It was kind of awesome.

So now here we are, and I'm even a little disappointed to be back. It helps that I know I'm not going to work tomorrow because I feel lousy...but this weekend was definitely worth it.

12/15/09 09:26 pm

I don't suppose I need to mention that I didn't get the job at BU. The interview didn't go so well, of course, because I suck at interviews. I'm not so disappointed, though, because I really wasn't looking forward to the possibility of making $5,000 less per year than I currently do.

A job I was going to apply for at NU recently disappeared from the website, and I've searched the job openings at every reasonably T-accessible school and basically found nothing. My latest consideration is to apply for another currently open position at DF. It's just a department assistant job, but I think it might be enough for me to do some slightly different things and work with some different people. Yeah, I'd have to answer phones and do front desk coverage once a week, but maybe that could be a good thing. And the tuition reimbursement we have would cover at least one course per semester, I think. It's a thought. This job has really forced me back into my antisocial shell, and I don't like that.

Part of the reason I had that thought was because we had our division holiday party today. I left a table of my CS co-workers to sit with the JF Golf group, very few of whom I knew. In two and a half weeks, it'll be two years since I started at DF, and I still hardly know anyone. I want to know everyone. And the more I compare the benefits with those of the other places I've looked into working, the more I realize just how good we have it.

I bought a bunch of cute Christmas ornaments this weekend, because out tree needed more. I could spend so much money at Pier 1. I also bought us stockings and wrote our names on them with glitter. I love Christmas! Speaking of which, I can't believe it's ten days away. I'm actually pretty excited to go home and see my family, even though I feel gross and will freak out on anyone who attempts to take my picture. Seriously.

12/10/09 10:03 am

Please accept the only thing I have to offer at the moment. I am currently incarcerated and only make $7.00 a week. I do however hope that these stamps will help w/postage. I pray someday that no child will ever suffer from cancer and instead will live full and happy lives. Happy Holidays to you all.

Former Marine
John D.

Just because something hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be done.

-- contained in an envelope with a book of stamps, which costs more than this guy makes in a week...the handwriting is beautiful, too.

It makes me happy to know that there are people in the world who are this genuinely caring, incarcerated or not. But at the same time, it breaks my heart that people feel like they need to explain themselves for not wanting/being able to donate. If I were bombarded with mailings the way our donors are, I would never donate again. I mean, why the hell are we soliciting someone in prison? Ditto for people in nursing homes or people who are current patients. It pisses me off.

I ran out of stamps this morning. I'm probably going to keep these, since I don't actually think we can use them (we have a nifty machine that meters our letters without actual stamps). I just might keep the letter, too.

12/6/09 08:28 pm - Tree!

We got our Christmas tree today! This is my first *real* tree ever, and it makes me happy. We need some more ornaments aside from the fairly generic ones we bought at Home Depot and Target, and we still need a star for the top, but there's still plenty of time to get those.

12/5/09 12:17 am

I love this song. Yay, Bacon Brothers, yay Philly. :-)

Never should've listened to that friend of mine
He said the work was here, the girls were fine
But all I do is wait in line
to be told that I'm not right

Never should've climbed the Rockies in my lousy car
three thousand miles to chase this star
I gotta save my money and tend this bar
to get that eastbound flight

Don't wanna waste another day in L.A.,
in the land of the endless summer
Sometimes it seems this California dream is just one long bummer
I was born the son of a Mummer
And I'm gonna keep on waiting on New Year's Day

I'll be up all night making body heat
Bring my golden slippers down to tuba street
And don't that glockenspiel sound sweet in the January air?

I'm gonna raise my glass to the first sunrise,
dance and strut with all my guys
I gotta kiss the girl with the ice blue eyes and confetti in her hair

Don't wanna waste another day in L.A.,
in the land of the endless summer
Sometimes it seems this California dream is just one long bummer
I was born the son of a Mummer
And I'm gonna keep on waiting on New Year's Day

Here we stand at your door, like we did the year before
Give us whiskey, give us gin
Open up and let us in
Here we stand at your door, like we did the year before
Give us whiskey, give us gin
Open up and let us in

...I was born the son of a Mummer
And I'm gonna keep on, keep on waiting on New Year's Day

<3

11/24/09 02:51 pm

( Another bored-at-work survey... )

11/20/09 11:15 am

Current Mood: bored

11/15/09 08:46 pm

My parents had been after me for weeks to call my grandmother, because she's having surgery (or, as she says, "They don't call it surgery, they call it a procedure") on Tuesday. I'm embarrassed that my phone-phobia even extends to most of my extended family. It takes me days to work up the motivation to make a phone call. I hate that.

It was so good to hear her voice, though. I honestly can't believe that my grandparents are ~86 years old. They have these bright, energetic voices that have never sounded any different, or any older, to me in the past 20 years. They have so much life in them. I hate to say it this way, but I sincerely hope that my dad's family's genes prevail over my mom's family's. I'm not exactly sure how old my mom's father was when he died, but it couldn't have been much more than 60. Her mother died in her early 70's. And here are my dad's parents, getting into their late eighties, and neither one had ever spent any significant time in a hospital until recent years. They drive, they have a fair amount of mobility, they own and maintain two homes, they live completely independently. Look at that in contrast to my mom's mother, who gave up her house to move in with us, and then into a nursing home because she didn't want to be a burden to us...and I don't think I need to tell you which one I want.

I love my grandparents so much, but I've never been able to get over the little bit of awkwardness that comes from the fact that I only saw them four times a year when I was growing up. They weren't the grandparents who baby-sat all the time or constantly spoiled their grandkids. They lived 250 miles away and couldn't just drop by whenever they wanted. But they gave us such an amazing gift that I always felt so lucky to have: they gave us a place that truly felt like our own little corner of the world. And even though more people know about it now, and it's getting more crowded and vacation-spot-like, their house and their land, and all of the goofy little things that have been built on it over the past 30 or so years, will always be ours. Someday my parents are going to be the "Grammy & Gramps" in that house, and even though I'm not always sure about whether or not I want to have kids, part of me wants to have kids so that my kids can have Slate Run.

I feel bad that I haven't seen in grandparents in probably two years. It's a big ordeal to fly to Philly and then get in the car and drive for five hours, all for a weekend. But I know I should make a greater effort, because, really, I have no way of knowing how much longer I'll have them. Grammy mentioned that a family reunion of the whole Campbell/Coolidge clan is being planned for June. I didn't go to the last one, for what I now look back on as a really stupid, selfish reason, so I'm really looking forward to it. It doesn't even matter that I won't remember half of the people there, not having seen most of them since I was about 10 years old. They're still my family.

In other news, my dad is having surgery on Tuesday, too, actually at the same time as my grandmother's. He's had significantly impaired vision in one eye for about 20 years, due to an incident involving one of my brothers and a baseball. He could have lost his eye entirely, and although he didn't, the injured eye has gotten worse and worse over the years, to the point that he says he closes it so he can focus more clearly with his good one. I'm really excited for him to be able to see normally again.
Current Mood: optimistic

10/19/09 09:17 pm - Massive catch-up post #3: California!!

The somewhat Cliffs-Notes version of  the SF trip...

For several days prior to this trip (probably close to two weeks), I had been having weird muscle tightness/pain in my right shoulder, arm and upper back.  It was sort of like that "I slept with my neck at a weird angle" feeling multiplied by 100.  At first I couldn't move my head or arm without being in pain, and as time went on, I couldn't even lie down comfortably. The night before we left, I couldn't sleep because of the pain.  The flight was pretty uncomfortable because of that.  Also, I had just gotten a tattoo a few days earlier and couldn't sleep on my back because of it.

Day 1: 9/16
We woke up at 3-something a.m. and had called a cab to pick us up around 4:30. It was right on time.  There was almost no one in the airport, and the first leg of our flight, from Boston to Milwaukee, was only about half full.  The second leg was packed.  I love AirTran; their employees are super nice, there's free satellite radio on their planes, and now they have wireless internet on all flights, too (although they do charge you for that). I miss flying AirTran as often as I used to.

We landed in SF half an hour early, around 10:45 local time.  Jeff picked us up with his dog in the car and we drove down to a little coastal town called Half-Moon Bay and had lunch outside, across the street from the ocean. It was nice.  After that we just sort of drove all around through a bunch of cool towns and windy coastal roads.  We were in the car for a few hours, easily, and neither Rich nor I is used to being in cars much, so by the time it was all over, we were both feeling a little sick.  We went and checked in to our hotel, and then went and hung out at Jeff and Emily's place for a while.  I asked Em to work on my shoulder a little (she's a massage therapist), and I'm pretty sure it worked, because the pain lessened over the next few days.

That night, the four of us, plus Jon and Kerri, went out to a restaurant owned by a friend of Jeff's. He gave us a bunch of stuff for free, and the food was really good. 

Day 2:
Rich and I walked about eight miles on this day...without any sunblock.  I don't think I've ever been as sunburned as I was at the end of the day. We walked from our hotel to the entrance to the Presidio, a former military base with tons of cool old buildings, green space and huge trees.  We walked a trail that went for a few miles. We took off our shoes and walked on the beach (a beach which was filled with dogs and their owners playing -- it was awesome). We walked under the Golden Gate Bridge (I really didn't want to walk across it; the thought of it really freaks me out).  We walked and walked and walked, because once we got on this trail, there wasn't really a way to get off of it.   When we finally hit paved roads again, we started walking back in the direction of our hotel, looking for a place to get something to eat.  When we didn't find any decent places and were tired of walking, we got on the bus and took it  back to our hotel. We went to a 50's diner across the street from our hotel, and we really liked it, so we ended up going back several more times in the next few days.  After we rested up in the hotel for a while, Jeff and Emily picked us up and we went to Jon and Kerri's neighborhood to browse in thrift stores and an awesome, huge music store.  We went to an Ethiopian restaurant, which was new territory for me but really good.

Day 3:
I was so sick on this day. I'd had a cough and runny nose since the day we left, but this day my eyes were watering like crazy. I bought sunglasses because the sun was driving my eyes crazy.  I went through three or four of those little pocket tissue packs.
We had breakfast at the place across the street from our hotel, during which I ate a few bites of pancakes for the first time in literally years. I can't even describe how delicious they were. 
We walked from our hotel to the piers to get the ferry for the Alcatraz tour. It was pretty cool. It's one of those audio tours, for which they give you a walkman-type-thing with headphones that describes everything as you walk around.  It was narrated by former guards and inmates of the prison and was very informative. 
After we arrived back on land, we wandered around Pier 39 and bought a few things.  We had talked about maybe meeting up with Jon that night, but  because I felt so lousy, we just hung out at the hotel.

Day 4: We walked to Jon's apartment, and from there the three of us walked all around Golden Gate Park. It was really nice to get to spend some time with Jon, and he was a real trooper with all the walking. I know he doesn't usually do much of that.  He showed us a few of the neighborhoods around the park, including a place where Kerri used to live before they moved in together. We ate lunch at a cool little restaurant, and Rich and I browsed in a few stores.  That night, the four of us went out to a little restaurant near our hotel and had a few drinks.  It was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed getting a chance to talk with Kerri.  I really like her, and I would love to hang out with her more if we lived closer together.

Day 5: Jon took us to the airport.  Our flight left at noon, SF time, and we arrived back in Boston at 10 pm. Eastern time. It was weird to lose most of a day like that, but we had both taken the following day off, so it was okay.

I had so much fun on this trip and am so glad we went.  I really enjoyed getting a chance to hang out with my brothers, and I really wish they didn't live so far away.  For a while, I thought I would be going back for Jeff's band's CD release party on Oct. 30th but have since decided not to; it's just too much hassle for just a weekend trip.

I didn't feel quite the same about SF this time as I did last time; I don't know if I would want to live there. The weather sure is perfect, though, so much better than here. It snowed here yesterday. Ugh, I am so not ready for winter.  It would be seriously awesome to live in a place where it doesn't get cold enough for snow.

10/19/09 09:02 pm - Massive catch-up post #2: By the way, we moved.

On Saturday, 8/29, my parents arrived for the weekend. They got an amazing hotel room at a usually-very-expensive hotel, partially due to telling the management they were repeat customers (this is true) on a weekend trip for their anniversary (this is untrue, although their anniversary was less than two weeks away).  We went out to dinner that night and to Best Buy, where I looked for a new phone but didn’t find anything I liked.

 

Sunday morning, we moved all of my stuff out of my old apartment, fitting everything into two trips with the minivan. We moved the majority of the stuff into Rich’s old apartment and left some things in the back of the van.  When we returned to do a final check and a bit of cleaning, I left my key in the appointed place, said good-bye to my roommates, and was actually sad to leave.

 

Done with all of that by about noon, we went to an AT&T store where I did find a new phone that I liked.  Then we drove to Rich’s parents’ house and had a nice afternoon with them.  Rich and I returned to his packed-up cluttered apartment for the last time that night.

 

The next morning, Rich got up super early and started moving stuff downstairs. By about 6 a.m., we were just sitting outside, staring at the car that was parked in one end of the space we’d marked off for our moving truck. At 6:30, Rich called to report the car; a tow truck was supposed to come and move it. An hour passed and the tow truck hadn’t shown up; he called again.  There were several other people moving out of the building that morning, and some of them didn’t have trucks to move their stuff yet, so they were just lining up their furniture on the sidewalk. My parents showed up a little before 8, and my mom and I went to the new apartment, planning on going up and cleaning it before the furniture arrived. My dad and Rich stayed to help the movers at the old apartment. The tow truck still hadn’t shown up, and I was very worried that there would be no place to park the truck when it arrived.

 

We had some trouble parking at the new place; the streets and the parking lot next to the building are all meant for residents, and we couldn’t be sure the car wouldn’t be towed.  Then I went to try to unlock the front door of the building, and my key didn’t work. It went into the lock but didn’t turn.  After I cried it out for a minute (I was so stressed out that morning, I just couldn’t help it), we called the maintenance department and a guy let us into the building and into the apartment.  He figured out that the front door lock was in fact broken; there was nothing wrong with my key. Mom and I proceeded to unload the contents of the car into the apartment, which involved going up and down about twenty times in the old, slow elevator. I was convinced it would break at some point that day, with all of the people who would be moving in, but at least it lasted as long as we needed it.

 

Meanwhile, Rich called a few times to update me on the progress with the movers. The tow truck came, followed closely by the moving truck, and within an hour or so, they had the truck all packed and were headed for the new place.  The moving-in of the furniture went remarkably smoothly, and the movers were really nice.  My parents stayed until 3 p.m. helping us clean and move things around. They drove home and didn’t get there until 10 p.m., and both had to work the next day. I know they like helping, but they do so much more than they have to. I feel bad that, once or twice a year for the past five years, they’ve spent a weekend up here during which they’ve done almost nothing but help me move stuff. The next day I bought them a gift card to the first restaurant they ever ate at in Boston (I don’t think they’ve been there since) and sent it to them with a thank-you note. It’s nothing compared to what they do for me, but it’s nice to be able to do something for them once in a while.

 

The first few days after the move were filled with unpacking, random-apartment-stuff-buying and several moments at which we laughed in total disbelief that we actually live here. Rich described it as “big, like the apartments people have in TV shows,” and that’s true.  It’s far more space than two people need, and I suppose we could even rent out the extra bedroom if for some reason we needed to do that.  It’s great, and a month and a half later, I still love it that much.  We looked at some other apartments in the same area that were close to the same price, and this one was almost twice the size of two of the others.  I don’t know why it’s so cheap; I just know we got really lucky. It’s been six weeks since we moved in and we didn’t have curtains in our bedroom until about a week ago. We don’t have a rug in there yet, or much stuff on the walls, but we’ll get to that when we can.  We’ve been to Target three or four times (sort of an annoying trip when buying large items and taking public transportation), bought a chair at a store more than a mile away and brought it back on the train, had to call the maintenance people two days after we moved in for a bizarrely clogged tub drain.  And yeah, sometimes I miss having roommates. I miss living on the first floor of a house, rather than the top floor of a huge building that constantly makes me worry about fire.  I (really, really) miss my old gym. But I love this apartment, so hopefully it will continue to be worth the changes.

 

10/14/09 08:34 pm

You're awesome, and I love hanging out with you.

It is so surreal when people say things like that to me, because it happens so rarely. Someone said that to me a couple of days ago, and it made me really happy.

That's all.

10/5/09 06:28 pm - Random musings on teenage TV series and viewing habits...

This morning while at the gym, for some reason I can't even remember, I had a sudden urge to see the final scene of the final episode of "Everwood." Lucky for me, we live in the age of Google, YouTube and Hulu, and was able to run right home and watch it. That scene, to me, was one of the most perfect and most fulfilling I've ever seen, especially a perfect way to end the series. It was and still is the only scene from any movie or TV show that has ever put me about one second away from tears. That was how, in my mind, it was supposed to be.

That show was probably the best out of all the silly WB dramas I watched over the years, because it was the only one that truly seemed realistic. There was no ridiculously overdone drama, as on "Dawson's Creek" -- no student-sleeping-with-a-teacher, no "oh my god, my kid is doing drugs!" episode, no parent in prison.  Aside from the major events on which the plot was founded (a death and an accident that leads to some major changes and, eventually, another death), many of the events are typical, day-to-day life.  The whole small-town thing was a bit overdone, but that was also an integral part of the plot, and towns like that really do exist.  It was very well-acted, unlike the laughable bad acting of some other shows.  And the characters' problems were rarely resolved or tied up into a nice little bow at the end of every episode. It took a few weeks, or in some cases, years, for people to figure things out. I loved that, because that is how life really is. 

It's funny that the two TV series that have really meant something to me, the only two that I want to buy on DVD, are two that each lasted only four seasons.  In comparison to many other shows, that's not very long.  The first of those two was Felicity, but its four seasons were the characters' four years of college, and I was six years younger than they were supposed to be.  I watched that show thinking, "Oh my god, I can't wait until that's my life." Everwood, on the other hand, was four seasons that began while the characters were sophomores in high school and ended when they were freshmen in college. I was a year older than their characters and really able to understand everything.  And another thing I always loved about that show was that it was as much about the adult characters as about the teenagers. The adults had their own, separate storylines and their own problems that did not simply revolve around their kids. That, too, seemed accurate to real life.

It's been funny, since moving in with Rich, having to explain the TV shows I watch to someone else and, in doing so, realizing how stupid they all sound (and probably, they all are). This is an extremely overdone, obviously female-targeted drama. This is a reality competition show whose producers obviously picked the strangest possible people with the strangest possible ideas.  This is an extremely overdramatic reality show in which someone will cry in every episode. Fortunately for me, for the past few years I've been paying less and less attention to TV and completely lost track of all of these shows at one time or another, and I never really cared.   I still watch "Jeopardy," though, and occasionally feel like I've learned something from it.  And I read a lot more often than I watch TV now, anyway. When I was much younger, even though I was a big reader, I was definitely one of those kids who watched too much TV. I'm glad I grew out of that.

The third and fourth season of Everwood aren't even available on DVD yet.  I went to work today, after watching that scene in the morning, and proceeded to watch about half of the fourth season online, and I think I've pretty much exhausted the few full episodes that are available that way. (Well, I can't really *watch* stuff on my computer while at work. I kept the window minimized, listened to the dialogue in headphones, and maximized it for a minute whenever I needed to see something). Today was enough to convince me that, if the whole series ever does get to DVD, I will buy it. The same goes for Felicity, which is already out on DVD, when I have enough money that it doesn't feel like a waste.  I would just want to have it for those random moments when I feel like seeing a certain scene and remembering how happy the lives of fictional people can make me sometimes.

That's all.








9/30/09 09:02 pm - Massive catch-up post #1: That New York thing.

 

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9/29/09 01:40 pm - Boringish entry on a weekend I want to remember.

I just had a really good weekend, and not for the usual reasons. It was seriously lacking in social interaction and alcohol, and there were parts when I was really bored. Weekends sometimes make me feel like a loser, due to not having enough friends to have something to do every weekend night. But sometimes I don't care and would rather just do nothing. I did a lot of nothing this weekend, but not in a bad way.  And after being utterly deflated by the news of my stress fracture, I'm glad I was still able to have an enjoyable weekend and not just mope about it the whole time.

I had been talking about trying to make banana nut bread for about a week. I had bought some bananas early enough in the week that they would be soft enough by the weekend to make it.  I looked through about 30 different recipes before finding one I liked, because when you google "banana bread," you get about a million recipes and every one is different.  So, Friday night, lacking anything better to do, I made banana nut bread. It took three hours because I made two loaves and only have one loaf pan, but it was fun, and it tastes pretty good.

Saturday morning, I met Anna at a cute bakery/coffee shop in Washington Square and we proceeded to talk for three hours.  We tend not to see each other for long stretches (the last time I saw her, it was freezing outside, and I'm guessing it was January) and thus have a lot of catching up to do.  I miss seeing her all the time when we worked together, but now that we basically live within walking distance, hopefully we'll hang out more.  After about two hours in the coffee shop, we walked across the street to an elementary school (which happens to be the one she went to) and goofed off on the playground. We climbed things, swung on the swings, etc. I haven't done that in an extremely long time, and it was pretty fabulous. I wish I'd had a camera with me. She wants to start going dancing once in a while (once I have a whole ankle again), and also brought up the possibility of starting a Spanish reading/conversation group so we can both brush up on our Spanish without paying for a class.

On Sunday Rich and I went shopping because he said he needed work clothes and wanted me to help him pick some.  We went to Marshall's and picked through some ridiculously marked-down button-down shirts and bought five (although the one I liked most ended up not fitting).  We poked around in Housewares for a few odds and ends for the apartment, and then I went to look for a new winter coat, and I actually found something.  It's been a couple of years since I owned one that was really good enough, but I think this will be. It's white, which is odd for me (I own exactly one piece of white clothing, aside from socks and sports bras, and it's something I only wear to sleep), but that's okay.

Also (this is not entirely connected to the weekend), DVR is seriously awesome. This is the first time I've had it and used it on a regular basis, and I totally love having a bunch of pre-recorded things I actually want to watch, for times when there's nothing good on TV. Being able to fast-foward through commercials is nice, too.

Recently I've just been noticing that, despite utter dislike of my body, I really like who I am and the way my life is right now.  I'm very happy to be me lately, and that's very nice.  Anna has always struck me as a person who feels that way about herself; she makes the best of every situtation and doesn't complain about anything (other than the occasional "oh my god, I'm never going to have a boyfriend!"). For once, it was nice to be around her and to feel that way, too.

Massive catch-up post-a-thon is on the way, if only for my own record, covering all the very big and important events of the past two months that I've yet to post about because I just don't have the time.

And I get to leave work now, woohoo! Leaving at 5:00 is still exciting since summer hours just recently ended.
 

Current Mood: happy
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